Pleasure Unbound

I wake up thinking of Brett. The possessive grip of his fingers, the need in his mouth, the press of his body against me, the heat between our touch. The way my body had cried out and his had responded.

Circumstance brings me back to Earth, reminding me, with the cruel pairing of sunlight rays, that he left. Had the opportunity to escort me in, get my contact number or, at the least, rock my world with one more kiss. But instead he ran. Or rather, briskly walked. With a gentleman’s goodbye and nothing more.

Shower. Pathetic water pressure that alternates between hot and lukewarm.

Squeezing out a mini bottle of shampoo with a British crest, yet made in Illinois. I dry off hard enough to realize that my back is sunburnt, the itch and scratch of the towel rough against my tender skin. Wrapping the white terrycloth around my body, I walk to the closet. Stare at my open suitcase, then at the clothes hanging. Nothing looks good enough.

I thought I was too old to feel like this. This adolescent, breathless high. Nervous anticipation at the idea that I might walk downstairs and bump into his gaze. The tingling feeling that I may have met my soul mate, kissed his mouth, gazed up into his face and felt his smile touch my skin. Am I one of hundreds? Just another girl, just a brief experience that he will think nothing of? Did I imagine the spark, the connection? My leg is jiggling. Jumping up and down underneath the desk as I apply mascara with a hand that is too shaky, considering my system is drug free. The resort is huge. We leave in twenty-eight hours. I may never see him again. I should have gotten his number.

“Shut the curtains, bitch.”

I ignore the words, examine my blue sundress, and wonder if the deodorant marks skipping along the front will rub out.

“Seriously. What time is it?”

“Nine-twenty.” I toss the dress down, give up on looking put-together, and grab a pair of shorts and a tank top. That’s about as high class fashion as my town gets. It will have to be good enough.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“Fuuuccccckk …” The word is muffled under ten pounds of hangover and one mascara-smeared pillow, but it’s there. I have about five minutes before Tammy not-a-morning-person McGowan rolls her ass outta bed, and I don’t plan to be in striking distance when that happens.

“Coffee is brewed. We’re supposed to be at the spa at ten. I’m gonna run downstairs and grab breakfast.”

A grunt. Muffled curses. A word that I think is curtains. I grab my purse and room key, open the door, and escape.

This hotel’s prices would make a nun curse like Tammy. I order a bottled water, apple, and blueberry muffin from the coffee stand off the lobby and still rack up a thirteen-dollar bill, fifteen percent gratuity graciously added automatically. And for that additional two bucks I don’t even get a smile. I scribble my last name and room number, sign the line, and escape with my tray of food, pressing open the door and stepping onto the balcony, grabbing a table by the railing and settling in.

Wedge sandals kicked off, my chipped pink toes curl against the stone railing, brilliant blue water sparkling at me from behind one hundred acres of palm trees and resort pools. A pigeon missing the toes on his right foot lands on the railing three feet to my right and tilts his head at my toes as if he might give them a taste. I toss him a piece of muffin, then kick out my foot, leaning back my head once I am convinced that my piggies are safe.

Peel sticker from the apple. Crunch. Chew. Swallow. The sun is warm, even this early. And no humidity. God, I wish Georgia was like this. Heat without the moisture bath that makes sweat bead on my upper lip. Here, I could bake for hours. High enough up for a breeze, the sun warming me with a gentle embrace, I take a swig of water and then screw the lid back on. Loosen the muscles in my neck, slide down a little in my chair, and close my eyes. Good old alone time. Fifteen minutes, maybe twenty. Then I will need to get my ass over to the spa for three hours of feminine chatter. Go Team McCrory.

A breeze blows from behind, ruffling the light hair on my forearm. Men’s voices. Talking too loud, the scrape of metal against pavers as they settle into the chairs behind me. The click of a lighter as one of them ruins a perfectly healthy set of lungs.

I keep my eyes closed, taking a bite of muffin as my mind wanders, my eavesdropping gene lifting its head when a voice starts that sounds familiar. I start to sit up but stop, not sure if now, makeup free with a face full of muffin crumbles, is how I want to reintroduce myself. I stay in place, slouching a little further, more sure with each additional word, that one of the men is Brett. A smile plays on the corner of my mouth.

“What happened with that girl from last night?”

“The blonde?”

“Yeah. Looked like you were headed up to her room.”

A pause. Soft cough. I almost fall off my chair in an attempt to hear his next words.

“Nothing happened. She’s here with a bachelorette party, and isn’t the type I’m looking for.”

I don’t pay attention to the other man’s response, my toes curling against the railing, body tightening in hurt and anger. Not his type. Maybe that was why he walked away so easily. And here I am, thinking my kiss had affected him as deeply as it had me. I dig my nails into my thighs, watching a curl of forgotten smoke float past, hearing the screech of chair legs as the men behind me move along.

Fuck him. I don’t need a one-night stand anyway. My dusty vagina is perfectly happy with the extensive network of cobwebs it’s spent years creating. Somewhere, in the empty recesses of my mind, my subconscious tears to pieces the ‘I love Brett’ picture and moves on to more official business.

Midnight. Thirteen hours left in paradise, then our hung over selves will be strapped in and flying back to ATL. I hang an arm around twin necks, inhaling the scent of hairspray and feminine energy, leaning my head back, weight on their shoulders, and bellow the chorus of Sweet Home Alabama, the club singing along, my mouth breaking into a grin too big too contain, the familiar tune never failing to raise my spirits. Never mind that, between the six of us, we’ve set foot on Alabama soil less than ten times. It is the anthem of the South, and seeing as it took Jena flashing the Bahamian DJ her breasts to get it played, we own every syllable of the damn thing.

The last chorus rings out, and I release the girls, spinning on the floor, my arms up, getting bumped by sweaty bodies, the dance floor getting tighter by the moment. A heavy bass begins, drowning out the country chorus and starting back into the hip-hop that had been dominating the speakers all night.

I slow my hips, glance at our table, seeing Beth and Tammy there, the rest of us sprinkled between the dance floor and the ladies room. I am pushed forward, hands settling on my waist as a stranger tries to pull me into his crotch-thrusting imitation of a dance. I yank at his wrists, shooting an annoyed look over my shoulder, and move to our table, snagging my purse off its surface and moving toward the neon lit exit sign. Air. I need air. Air and a moment to regroup, focus. Come to terms with the fact that none of the men in this club will be taking care of my needs tonight. None of them seem worthy of a drink. Too young. Too immature. Too available. Too … not who I am looking for.

I bang through the exit door, the rush of cool night kissing my skin. I take two steps to the right and lean against the brick exterior wall, legs out, head flat against red brick. God yes. I almost wish I still smoke. I remember the escapes from life that it provided, the moment to take a pause from the world and do nothing but relax. Now, I don’t need the nicotine-just the combination of air and quiet are enough to ease my tension and take me one step closer to I-Can’t-Even-Remember-His-Name-Ville.

I sense the presence before I see it. In the shadows to my right. I stiffen, lowering my chin and staring, confronting whoever it is with my gaze. Then he speaks, and I relax, need and heat and want flooding my body with just the scrape of my name. In that one word, that one growl, every lie I’ve told myself is exposed. I need him. My body needs him. Wants more. I had behaved in the hallway of the 8th floor. I had made a mistake. I don’t intend to make another.

“Come here.”

He stalks forward, in a suit, his hands leaving his pockets as he walks, his head level, stare direct, and eats me with his eyes as he moves without hesitation, not pausing until he is suddenly against me, his hand firm, gripping the side of my face, his mouth taking mine in a possessive kiss that has me back against the wall, his palm against my skin almost hurting me in its need. I gasp for breath when I can grab it, his kiss desperate, dipping, pulling me tighter. I love it.

“I need you,” he grunts, his free hand sliding up my thigh, pushing my dress inappropriately high, his fingers gripping, squeezing, the heat of his palm sliding over my skin like he owns it, his large hand ending on my ass, and he feels every inch of it as if he is memorizing, worshiping, taking it in his mind as his own.

“Yes,” I gasp, lifting my leg and hooking it around him, the shift in my body opening the place between my legs, his fingers finding and running reverently over the line of silk that keeps me tied to the edge of sanity.