Hatred With Benefits

E I G H T Y - O N E

EVA.

"I can't let you hurt me again, Emerson. I can't handle you breaking my heart again. " I whisper to him

and he shakes his head several times before he opens his mouth, "I won't. I promise you I won't, baby.

I— I love you, Eva. Baby, please. "

"You said those same words once, and look where we are. " I remind him of his once made promise

and he says, "I told you, Eva. You'd never be in the pain alone. Look at me, baby. Does it seem like I

find joy in this? "

"I can't, Emerson. I just can't. "

"Yes, you can. " He persists, his head falling against my thigh again, and he buries his face in it. "You

can, baby. You have to forgive me. You have to give me a chance to make it right again. You— you

have to. Please. This will never repeat itself. I promise you that every decision I make for the both of us

will be by the both of us. I'm willing to do anything, Eva. Just don't take this away from me. Don't take

this away from us. "

I bite down on my lips to stop the sobs that urge to break out, keeping my hands glued to my sides to

avoid reaching out to him.

Emerson removes his head from my leg to meet my eyes. "Please. " He adds, the one word that's

always powerful enough to turn everything around, but not this time.

"We have to. I have to. For my health, and my mentality; I have to. You say you won't do it again, but

you will, Emerson. You'll feel that need to make a decision on your own and you'll give into it. A

decision that'll end up hurting me. End up—" I take a pause to let out a breath before I continue, "I wish

I could tell you that I regretted the day I fell for you. "

His mouth opens but no words slip through.

"But I can't. " I shut my eyes to take away the sight of his face. "I can't say it, because I don't. You made

me feel so many things, and it was beautiful. I wish I could tell you that I regret it all, but I can't because

you gave me the best moments of my life, Emerson. "

I feel his grip loosening around my legs and then his hands cover mine. He presses his thumb to the

back of my palm and I open my eyes as he speaks. "Don't. Because I'll give you so much more. This

isn't the end of us, Eva. This isn't the end of Eva Carson and Emerson Ford. It can't be. Our story can't

stop here. "

"Emerson, please—" I whimper and he shakes his head, "No, you listen to me, baby. I know I've hurt by

doing what I thought was right and I'm sorry for it, but I can't let you end us, Eva. I won't. "

"I don't trust you with my heart anymore. " I tell him and he nods, "Then I'll earn that trust again. I'll

show you that it's safe with me. You can take your time to give it, and you can take your time to punish

me in any other way you want, but I'm not breaking up with you, Eva. We won't. "

I remove my hand from his and swipe it across my cheek to wipe my tears away before I take a step

back, letting his hold fall from me.

"Eva, please. " He pleads in a small voice and I look away from him. "Say the words. Tell me you're not

breaking up with me, Carson. Tell me you're not ending me. Tell me you're not taking away the one

thing that matters. "

"Stop. " I murmur and his voice comes again. "Then say the words, Carson. "

I look back at him, on his knees and waiting for my response but I don't say what he wants, and I don't

follow through with my earlier decision as I step away from him and head inside the house, not daring

to take a look back.

My legs threaten to give up as I saunter across the path but I don't give in. Not until I'm in front of the

door.

"Baby. " Mom utters as she stands in front of me, no doubt that she has been here for long. She steps

to the side and gestures for me to walk in. After clicking on the lock, she turns to me with a warm look

in her eyes, "Do you want me to—"

I interrupt her before she can finish her words. "Can you hold me, please? I just need you to hold me,

no words. "

"Of course, baby. Of course, I can. " She smiles at me before she trudges closer and brings me into her

chest, her hands moving around me. My chest drops shakingly and I move my head against her chest,

breathing through my mouth as the image of his face fills my mind. So much hurt and so much

sadness. The way his tears didn't stop falling and the way his voice breaks every single time he tries to

speak; it hurts my heart. And it doesn't stop hurting. I don't know how we went from being each other's

happiness to being the reason for each other's tears, but I just want it all to stop.

I need it to.

EMERSON.

I watch as she walks out into her house and I remain on my knees. Just before her frame completely

disappears out of my sight, my eyes meet hers and she finally closes up on me.

I hold a hand over my chest and drop my head, remaining in that position for seconds? Minutes?

Hours? I do not know nor am I willing to move from there. Not until my knees turn numb and the tears

turn into soundless sobs.

I force myself up and turn away from her place to head into mine.

"Where were you?" Elias asks as I walk inside the house and I mumble, "Out. "

"Oh, it didn't go as well as you thought it would, did it?" He says as he moves from his seat and I hum,

"I wasn't expecting it to go smoothly, but I didn't expect it to go this bad either. "

"What did she say?" He stops by my side and my mind races through every word uttered in tears and

every emotion felt. "A lot. "

"You'll be fine, Emerson. " He assures me and I nod. "I'll be. We'll be. These are just rough times and

we'll certainly get over them. "

"You will. Stay strong, kiddo and I do think the issue with both men will be solved soon. " He says and I

turn my head to meet his gaze, "Thank you, Eli. For everything. "

"It's my job. " He retorts and I let out a light chuckle, "Not everyone takes their job seriously. "

He smiles. "You know I do. " I look behind him to where his laptop is set then look back at him and say,

"Working still? Don't you think you should get some rest?"

"My rest is work. " He responds and laughs when I scrunch my nose. He slaps my arm once before he

takes a step back, "You should head into your room. You look like you need some time alone. "

I bob my head in agreement before I make my way towards my room, only to stop at the sound of

Elias's call behind me. Twisting my head to him, he says, "Do you want me to talk to her? I could do

better. I have a talent for setting things right. "

I'm quick to oppose the nice but distasteful suggestion. I did this to us, and I'll be the one to fix it. This is

my love. My woman and my responsibility. "No, don't do that. You're already doing more than enough. "

"What are you scared of, little brother? That she'll realize the older one is the hotter one?" He jokes and

I throw him a glare, "Don't fuck around with me, Eli. "

"Gee, tone down the possessive glare. I wouldn't really steal your girl. " He chuckles and I say, "I know

that, but don't speak about it. I don't like the mere imagination. "

"Even to your own brother?" He lifts a brow and I nod my head to him, "You're a man, aren't you?"

He shakes his head, a small laugh leaving his lips. "You never fail to amaze me, Emerson. "

"Get back to work, and sleep early. This is Washington, not New York. You don't have to work hard

every time. " I tell him and he playfully salutes me with two fingers, the action bringing a small smile to Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

my face before I turn around and walk towards the room.

"Are you okay?" Hanna asks the question she has answers to as she stands in front of my door and I

say, "What will you do if I say I'm not?"

"Mom was worried about you. " She utters and I stalk towards her, nudging her to move from the door,

which she hesitantly does. "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. "

"Go to sleep, Hanna. You have school tomorrow. " It's the only response I give her before I walk in.

Striding to my window, I drop my hands on the edge and stare at the window that's a bit away. Her

windows are closed, and there's no reflection on the glass but I keep my eyes on them, her words

ringing in my ears and neither am I able to stop the sting in my chest nor am I able to hold back the

tears that fall.

A heavy sigh leaves my lips and my grip on the edge turns tighter as her look of pure pain flashes

through my mind. I didn't think it would do this much damage. I knew it would be hard when I come

back, but I never thought it'd be like this; enough for her to want to break away from me. Just the mere

thoughts of that hurt so fucking much and I didn't think a broken heart could break any further. I caused

that: that pain, those tears and that hurtful decision. I caused it all, and I'll be the one to take them

away, and return that bright smile to her face.

I fold my arms to my chest and lean against the wall next to me, keeping my eyes on her window and

that spot only.

"Goodnight, baby. "