Always Been You

~Lola’s POV~

I don’t really know what’s wrong with Antonio or how the fuck he knows so much about seduction. He took me to a lingerie shop, and ever since then, I can’t help but turn red whenever I’m around him. I know the type I like, but how am I going to fit all this when he’s with me? Is it even appropriate at all?

“Hey, Lola or Janet. Fuck, Mrs. Monroe sounds better. This is Bianca, a close friend of mine. She will help you out.” Antonio said, and I heaved a sigh of relief knowing that I was with a woman. I am a bit insecure when it comes to my body, and I still feel like I have flaws. I have body issues, and I feel like they make me lose confidence. One of the reasons I am not sleeping with Mason is that I feel like my boobs should have been bigger, I also have a few stretch marks on my boobs. Even though I am happy with the way I look, I sometimes wonder if I could have been more hourglass-shaped. Even though Mason claims that my body drives him crazy, there are days when I just don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror.

Bianca showed me to a private room, where she took some measurements before returning to the shop to retrieve a number of lingeries for me to try on.

“Give this a shot.” When I looked at her, she had a smile on her face. “Body issue, huh?” She asked and gave her a nod. And from what I’ve picked up so far, Bianca has an Italian accent. “How many kids have you got because, honey, you don’t look bad at all? I have two kids, and Antonio is still crazy about me, even though we are not married or have kids together. I had body issues when I met him, and he taught me the art of being a mother and appreciating my body.” My pupils grew much larger.

“You’re Antonia’s girlfriend?” She sighed and nodded in agreement.

“One of many.” I cocked my brow in her direction.

“Antonio Guerra belongs to no one; he can pick up any woman he wants; he’s just like that, and besides, he’s Antonio Guerra; he’s never been married in his life. Have no children and have no intention of ever having any.” While carrying on with the conversation, I arched my brow once more and then began removing the clothes that I was wearing.

“How do you feel about that?”

“I had to come to terms with who he is and acknowledge that when he is in my presence, he belongs to me. However, when he is not in my presence, I have to let go of any preconceived notions I may have. At first, I used to fight him, and he told me no one could ever own him in this life, and then I also noticed that he was paying for my kids’ tuition fees when he didn’t have to. He has a good heart, but Antonio Guerra isn’t a kind man; he’s only kind to his family. You must be one of his new women.” I wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement, so I looked at her. She didn’t look hurt or anything, so she said, “Oh, honey, don’t worry about me; I have done far worse than that. One day, I did something to make him angry, and he ended up calling me and forcing me to come to a hotel so that I could watch him fuck a blonde. He has a thing for blonde girls, except that you are not blonde.”

“I’m not Antonio’s new girl. He’s my doctor?” She laughed as her eyes widened in surprise.

“Antonio Guerra, a doctor?” She continued laughing; “It’s possible he studies medicine, after all.”

“Why are you still with him? I mean, he cheats on you, and he has no respect for you.” She paused and smiled; she didn’t seem to have any problems at all.

“When you try to move on from Antonio, you realize that you actually want the bad boy more than what you thought you wanted, despite the fact that Antonio is a devil and you should avoid him at all costs. So I made peace and accepted my fate.” She gazed at me with such tenderness. I don’t know how she does it; I certainly couldn’t put up with it. When Mr. Monroe told me he was seeing another girl, even though I couldn’t recall anything about the two of us together. Knowing that he is seeing someone else makes it impossible for me to get any rest.

Wait, I don’t understand why I’m getting so worked up right now. I can’t help but wonder if it’s possible that I have feelings for Mr. Monroe. I brush it off. But then there is this point she made about how many kids I had: do I look like someone who has kids?

“How did you know I had kids?” I simply have to know; I need to be absolutely certain that I am a parent. Maybe I will try harder. One thing I know is that I want Mr. Monroe to like me, but I have no idea if those kids are mine.

“The stretch marks on your belly, thighs, and breasts.” After clearing my throat, I went over to where she was standing. I am not sure if I should open up to her about not recalling anything. After that, I just said to myself, “Fuck it!”

“The thing is, I lost my memory and got caught up between two guys, one who claims to be my husband and the other who claims to be my fiancé, and apparently I’ve got three kids who just stopped calling me mom because I can’t remember them. I feel like I am losing my family and also feel like I might be giving the wrong people my time. Also, I feel like my children are starting to hate me because I can’t remember them. I’ve been spending time with them, yet I feel like I am not spending enough time with my fiancé, who could also happen to be a con artist. Bianca My mind is all over the place, and I don’t know if I am doing the right thing. My husband and my fiancé fought each other in court because of me, but the one who claimed to be my husband won. My fiancé calls me Janet, and my husband and everyone else calls me Lola. I don’t even know my fucking name.” After letting it all out, I was surprised to find that I had started crying without even realizing it. Bianca shifted close to me and gave me a hug. I started crying even more because I was so upset, but Bianca held me so tightly and didn’t say a word until I had let it all out and my eyes had dried up. After that, I continued by asking, “Is there a way for me to find out if I have kids without going to see a doctor?” After my question, Bianca started to reflect on the situation. Then she cast her gaze in my direction.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“Since you’re not comfortable with people looking at your body, I doubt seeing one would be a good idea, but you can find out now if you do actually have kids or not.” I couldn’t help but grin at her remark.

“How?”

“I raised an eyebrow at her as she pushed a mirror in my direction and said, “Well, what are you waiting for? Go inside the restroom, open your legs, and check to see if you have stitches. There is no way you’ll push three kids out normally without them cutting you. There is no way.” She then pushed the mirror away. I noticed it must have been a normal birth since your tummy is without a cesarean scar. So go in there and check your fanny, woman!” I went inside, took a few deep breaths, as I pulled down my panties, opened my legs, and placed the mirror between my thighs. I let out a scream and then I threw the mirror on the ground.

The restroom door flew open, revealing Bianca’s shocked face.